You may have heard the phrase, "guys are after one thing and one thing only." Immediately after hearing this you roll your eyes and immediately think that the only thing they are after is sex. While I will not argue with that for a second, it has come to my attention that there is something bigger going on than just the issue of them wanting to see your pants on the floor. The thing that they are truly after - the chase.
This is how it works.
Man meets woman. For those very few men out there who have not given themselves over to passivity - they start to pursue her. All of the sudden they are making themselves known by saying and doing sweet things for her. The woman starts to become interested, and after some time she develops feelings for him. All the while the man is clueless as to what he is doing to the heart of this woman. Suddenly her thoughts are consumed by him and she desires nothing more than to spend time with him. Laughing. Running errands. Watching movies. Talking on the phone. Holding hands. It doesn't matter to her what they are doing as long as they are together. The man seems to be reciprocating the feelings that she has for him, and she is confident that he is as into her as she is into him. Finally she can't contain her feelings any longer, and a DTR is on the horizon (for you non bridal colle.. I mean, Christian college students, a DTR means "define the relationship).
... this is the part in the story where I'd like to stop. Put the book down and stop writing. Everything seems okay to her, in fact... she is hopeful that they will start dating soon. And why wouldn't she think that? He seems like his heart is in the same place as hers. But alas, I must continue ...
She conveys to him that she likes him and wants to be with him without even having to say a word. It's all in her actions. Finally they have the talk where they discuss their feelings for each other, and the minute that he finds out she wants to be with him - he is out the door so fast that you can barely see it happening. There he goes. Gone.
There the poor girl is. Lost. Confused. Wondering what on earth she did wrong. Playing memories over in her head as though it's a silent black and white movie. Analyzing past conversations. Analyzing everything she did from the moment she met him until now. Her self confidence is vanishing with every day that goes by where he doesn't speak to her. What possibly could have gone wrong? I mean... he seemed like he wanted this too. He spoke of his feelings for her. How he missed her when they were apart. He promised to do things together in the future. He seemed to live in the moment. When he held her, she felt as though he really cared and nothing else in the world mattered at that moment. When he kissed her, she felt as though this was real. It was really going to happen... and then - it didn't. He's nowhere in sight. But when she does run across him again, he is out doing the exact same thing to another woman.. probably more than one at a time.
My lingering question is why. It's that simple. Why do guys repeatedly do this to women. I've seen it happen far to many times in the lives of my friends and even now in my own life. This is something that I just can not grasp. Maybe its the fact that I find it incredibly unfair that grips me. Or maybe its the numbing feeling in my heart when I think of this. Maybe its my shattered heart laying out before me and I have to pick up every piece and glue it back together while he is gone not having a care in the world.
I have something to say (don't I always). This is not okay. Guys, if you are going to say sweet things to a woman - mean them. Make sure your actions match up with your words. Nothing hurts more than empty promises, even on little things. If you promise to take her somewhere, then you better do it. If you tell her that you missed her, then I sure hope you really did. And honestly, if you tell her that you like her - you better mean it. If you can't say things without truly meaning it or following through with your actions - then remain silent. Shut that mouth of yours. Words are the way to a woman's heart, not just to her pants. And please - if you are going to kiss her, there better be some feelings for her there. You don't even know how much it breaks a woman's heart to kiss a guy and then have him up and leave. It's almost as though we gave part of ourselves to you, even though it is a kiss. A kiss is not merely a kiss. There's so much emotion there. So if you do say things and kiss a woman - then you better be ready for a relationship, and don't get all mad at her when she starts to expect one. If you don't want to date her, then don't do these things. Its seriously that simple.
3 comments:
I agree... and stupid idiots need to see this.
A friend told me guys go through this "emotional splurge" on women.
Know that came from a guy!
Last night a guy from school wrote to me on facebook and said a lot of times guys do this because they feel inadequate? And that the reason they run so fast is because suddenly they realize they aren't ready for a serious relationship and run. And the reason why they don't speak to us after that is cuz they are ashamed of the way they handled it.
It had me thinking. Maybe thats true, who knows.. I kinda hope it is, because I'd like to still think that he isn't a jerk at least.
Really? I would hope to think that too... but the least they could do is say they are ashamed of the way they handled it, and then we wouldn't think they're such jerks. Gah.
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