my life needs a soundtrack

Tonight as I was driving on the freeway, I decided that my life needs a soundtrack. These past few weeks have been so up and down all around that the only thing that seems to make since is... well, music. I know, it sounds horribly cliche. But it is true. One minute I am lost thinking bout things that cause me to sing "tied together with a smile but I'm comin' undone." And then I think of something else, and instantly it becomes "you're hot then you're cold, you're yes then you're no, you're in then you're out, you're up then you're down...". Then I just become angry, but that only lasts for a second because I've finally learned to just let it be. A few moments of silent driving... and another song strikes up. "Do you ever think, when you're all alone,  all that we could be, where this thing could go...". There I am. Stuck smiling. Not having a clue what is going on around me, just liking the moment. The moment that I am in right now. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Post Boy Haircut

Okay. So I did it. I got the "post boy" hair cut. For the second time since I've been trying to forget about this. But this time, I believe it's going to work. My hair has never been this short in my entire life - the lady had to use buzzers on my neck because now it's exposed. I feel exposed. All in all, I like it. 

"Post boy" haircuts are a real thing. I definitely believe in them, no matter how silly that may be. I don't know what it is about it, but it is a liberating experience for certain. It makes you feel new, kind of.. if you tell yourself that enough that is. I've done this with every guy who has had some sort of significance in my life that I wanted, no.. I needed, to get over. I got a haircut right after Nick and I broke up the first time - but then it was a new outfit every time after that because my hair didn't grow long enough in between break ups. Ridiculous.

Anyways, I just realized that I'm doing this to myself. Hoping that he'll come around. Wondering what he really is like. Wondering what I could have done different. Wondering what I did wrong. I've also realized that I'm the kinda person that needs to know answers before I can really move on, and sometimes that just isn't going to happen. I think the hardest part is letting go, because he's someone that I really fell for - and I hadn't fallen for anyone in quite some time. 

So I saw him the other day, and a few hours later there I was sitting in the chair getting my hair cut. 

I'm over it.

So tomorrow I'm going to get in my car and drive home from Canada... and if history wants to repeat itself, I'm okay with that.