3:02 am

I want to know what this means.

To be so incredibly confident one minute,

and then second guessing all you once knew the next.

To have absolutely no idea what is going on.

Nothing to put your finger on.

Nothing showing you what is coming next.

Nothing to grab ahold of.

Its almost as if you are literally walking in the dark.

No clue what you are going to face.

Or where you are going.

Where the journey ends.

What journey am I even on?

The one I thought I was on has wavered.

Now I'm here.

Where is this going?

Can't I just reach out and walk on both?

Do I have to pick just one?

And do I have to choose now?

Why is this even happening?

Its so silly.

So trivial.

Yet so incredibly predictable.

Maybe I didnt have it all together after all.

Maybe I was wrong.

Again.

Why today?

Why not earlier before I got myself here?

I just want to shut my eyes and count to ten.

To forget.

To find some reason to replace it.

Any reason.

I desire to go back to the time before this came flooding in.

A simple time.

When my world was black and white.

My heart.

It knew.

Oh, did it ever.

And now there are shades of grey everywhere.

God, are you seeing this?

Are you even here right now?

Take away the clutter.

Let me just see.

Make sense of this for me, because I cant.

I don't understand.

I don't need too.

I want too.

I want to know.

My mind is twirling.

My heart is pleading for this to slow down.

The past.

The future.

The in between.

The unknown.

The beauty of once was.

All I want to do is run.

Run far.

Block it out.

Find a place to hide.

To forget.

I can't.

I have to face it.

I don't want too.

Its 3:02 AM and I just want to sleep.